KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
