i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
