Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
