i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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