Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
