the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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