I wish I could punch you in the face.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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