Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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