giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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