I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
