i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize