So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
