hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
