I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
