I accidentally burped into my bong.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
