so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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