She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My vagina is very pro this idea
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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