Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
