we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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