I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
