Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
