I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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