1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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