sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so that wasnt chicken after all
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
