Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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