Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
How's work?
Spinning.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
