bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Sober January is a disaster.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
