I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
