everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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