ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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