We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
