Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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