you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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