Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
