Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
