Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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