Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
