Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
did i walk over a car last night?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
