We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
