I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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