im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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