She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
