Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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