I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
