you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
