you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
