How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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