So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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