I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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