Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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