ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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