More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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