I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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