My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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