I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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