Already got asked if we're dating
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
