I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
