Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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