this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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