you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
