Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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