I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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