I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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