I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
and you fell through a lawn chair
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
