i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
