if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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