please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
