I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
