Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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