oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
