I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
