They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
