He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
